


you are okay

by Earphones



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Family Issues, Feelings, Insecurity, M/M, Metaphors, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Yamaguchi Tadashi's Freckles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23214802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earphones/pseuds/Earphones
Summary: Yamaguchi considers himself a problem child, the unlucky and the insecure, the one who makes mistakes more than the average number of times a person can. Tsukishima thinks he’s the brightest star.He thinks again,god did not put stars on your cheeks so you could let them shine with your tears.With all the knowledge Tsukishima has by reading, he concludes that, exactly, the clouds exist in the troposphere where it could only rain on the space below it. Stars do not simply exist within the Earth’s atmosphere.Impossible. A star could only be near the planet if it was to destroy it.Is that why Tsukishima’s being is so shaken, and hovering over between the premises of utter devastation, destruction and rage? Still, Tsukishima looks at Yamaguchi breaking.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

“Tsukki, do you hurt sometimes?” Yamaguchi asks after a while as he stares at Tsukishima who is currently busy reading an article on his phone.

“Don’t be dumb,” Tsukishima begins. Yamaguchi waits because Tsukki always has more to say. He likes listening to him. “You know we all do.”

“Physically?” Yamaguchi inquires.

Tsukishima only hums.

Yamaguchi blinks. Then, “Emotionally?”

Tsukishima breathes through his nose and tries to peek at Yamaguchi who’s on his bed beside him. Surely, in his head, Yamaguchi already knows how stupid these obvious questions are. But the freckled boy had never really asked these during which time he cannot complement the bright sun. He thinks Yamaguchi is almost falling asleep by the way he said it, voice small, brows drawing insecurity and in question. He’s not looking at Tsukishima anymore.

He gives an equally small, “yeah,” like he wants to convey that whatever Yamaguchi’s feeling right now, or thinking about, he feels, too.

It isn’t only after a little while that Tsukishima thinks Yamaguchi has indeed fallen asleep but the same little voice prods at the quiet air in Tsukishima’s room.

“Sometimes, I feel so unlucky.” Yamaguchi breathes against the pillow his arms encase.

Tsukishima tries to return, albeit not enough, the times Yamaguchi has lent him an ear, he listens, and gives some sort of sound as if to encourage the boy.

“There are a number of times I’ve felt so, so content, you know that right, Tsukki? And – and then, there’s this automatic sign, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi tightens his grip, loosens a bit a moment after. He stretches his arms and to the air. “Tsukki, like, there are big letters in red, suddenly with lights that could blind me, and then it says: _You Should Be Sad, Idiot,_ in capitals!” He curls in on himself, his face imitating a mad cartoon character (like the dinosaur on Tsukki's shelf).

Tsukishima leans back, calmly, just like he always is.

“And then, Tsukki, it’s as if it was not enough, that thing,” Tsukishima could hear the offense Yamaguchi takes from whatever he’s said. “A lot – and I mean a lot! A lot of things started not being good to me, you know?” His voice wavers at the end.

It doesn’t really take much for Tsukishima to know he’s crying.

And, oh, if Yamaguchi would ask his first question again, Tsukishima could answer it with all the specifics of why, when and how.

_Yes, Yamaguchi. For example, I am hurt now._

The shattered look on Yamaguchi’s face starts a burn in Tsukishima’s heart. Tsukishima only thinks that, _he does not deserve this._ The image of Yamaguchi so _so_ fragile, the thought that Yamaguchi’s piled up all of these nonsensical yet evenly significant things, creates chaos in Tsukishima’s chest.

He thinks again, _god did not put stars on your cheeks so you could let them shine with your tears._ With all the knowledge Tsukishima has by reading, he concludes that, exactly, the clouds exist in the troposphere where it could only rain on the space below it. Stars do not simply exist within the Earth’s atmosphere. _Impossible. A star could only be near the planet if it was to destroy it._ Is that why Tsukishima’s being is so shaken, and hovering over between the premises of utter devastation, destruction and rage? Still, Tsukishima looks at Yamaguchi breaking.

He looks at his face.

There’s a lot on the surface of Tsukishima that cannot be mirrored from what he’s like inside. But he knows, when he reaches for Yamaguchi, that there’s something stronger in him. Greater than a gravitational pull? He might question.

It seems to remind Yamaguchi that however cold it might be in Tsukishima’s room, warmth seeps in the smallest of spaces where he and Tsukishima cannot close.

A smile makes its way and then, a throb in his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Here’s what Tsukishima knows.

Yamaguchi has had his freckles stuck to him at birth. For a long time already. He is smart, so naturally, he thinks that this conclusion is indeed a fact.

Here’s what Tsukishima does not know.

“Why do you look like that?” He does not mean to be harsh with the way he said it but Yamaguchi flinches, anyway. There is a sudden rush of wanting to hold the said boy. Tsukishima wills it away.

“Oh, ah, Tsukki. Whatever do you mean?” Yamaguchi hurries to rub his hands against his face. _Dumbass,_ Yamaguchi scolds himself. Of course, he means _that._

Tsukishima looks at him with a scrutinizing look. There is anger trying to find its place in his chest. _Again._ He carefully creates an image of Yamaguchi in his head that is not like this.

Not like that.

“Oh,” Yamaguchi says when he notices what Tsukishima’s been doing for a while. “You too, Tsukki, huh?” There is an otherworldly disappointment accompanying his voice. It’s like telling Tsukishima that it wasn’t supposed to be there, wasn’t supposed to exist.

But somehow it’s greeting him, and _why, why, why._ Exactly why is it there?

He steps closer, breathes in and out for a long moment. Tsukishima does it because at this moment, he wants to believe that the air he takes in might be enough to help him form words. The universe knows Tsukishima is told to be careless with what he says, knowing and hearing the curses and disagreeable comments he makes. But he’s not like that. Not all the time.

Right now, he tries to beg the library in his brain to skim through all the books he’s accumulated and read to mercifully grant him what Yamaguchi should be hearing this instance.

It is one of those first times he’s had now, ones that allow him to see illusions of a warning that read holy-fuck-this-isn’t-like-you _._ But he says it.

“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry, Yamaguchi.”

The universe would be laughing if he told them that this was not what he found when he ransacked his brain for information in the duration of a bare minute. ( _I am smart_ , _I am smart_ , he chants.)

“Yeah, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says on auto-pilot. They’re like this, so it is _natural_. Though Yamaguchi only says, there are tears already at the edge of his eyes.

Tsukishima, too, is already at the edge, like a planet is on the brink of losing its balance. He holds onto the back of Yamaguchi’s neck to compose himself and suddenly, the universe is calm and running about. He softly pulls Yamaguchi to his chest. It’s funny how he’s holding onto Yamaguchi but in all honesty, it’s the boy that allows Tsukishima to be so put together.

“Did they say something?”

Yamaguchi nods.

Here’s what Tsukishima knows.

Yamaguchi has freckles.

People in Yamaguchi’s life surrounding him like belts in the solar system. Problematic. Scattered around. (Like trash, he would say.) There. But he knows they’re insignificant. Small. Never really nearing Yamaguchi but still with unauthorized power to have him shaken. He hates that. People who pick on Yamaguchi.

Tsukishima knows that. _Duh._ He knows and often, things are like reviewing for an exam. You ask things you’ve studied for to test how far you’ve progressed in studying and collecting the useful parts.

However, Tsukishima is smart. It does not shame him that he collects and _collects_ without ever meaning to. He evaluates what’s on his plate and what’s not. Tsukishima reviews what he knows and the test is this:

Yamaguchi.

He is on his plate. In every unused and unoccupied space. Much like the leftovers. The ones that get to stay and have a special designated place.

The middle and the whole. The viand and the rice.

  
  
He does not mean to. But with all of this, it lets him understand Yamaguchi better. Like his books. Tsukishima reads and reads because he likes it.

Does he like it – _him?_

“I hate them.” It’s not Yamaguchi who says this.

When Yamaguchi finally decides to shake Tsukishima off, he looks more of the sky after a heavy rain. Bare and beautiful. The storm kind of transmigrates to Tsukishima’s throat.

“Sorry,” Yamaguchi mutters and tries to look away. “For, uh, you know, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima waits because he knows he’s got something to say and he wants to listen.

“Thinking about you ever being like them.”

_Thinking about you. Thinking about you. Thinking about you._

“It’s okay, idiot.”

  
  
He says but he’s not - not really.

Yamaguchi breakes into a small smile, then there is the feeling of things being put in their right place when Yamaguchi chuckles. He pats Tsukishima’s shoulder.

“Don’t space out, Tsukki.” The hand on his shoulder quickly drops down to Tsukishima’s hand. It lingers and Tsukishima feels it. _Fuck space. You are the one that shouldn’t space out._

The universe must be on his side because fuck space, Yamaguchi curls his pinky finger around Tsukishima’s and he tugs (the finger? Tsukishima’s heart?) and starts walking home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, thank you for reaching and reading chapter two. also, sorry if i have mistakes. see you :)


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